Understanding Communication Is A Two-way Street
The first rule of communication is there are a listener and a speaker. Know which one you are. Hint: one can not always be the speaker.
Rules for the speaker: Think about what you are saying and how you say it. You may want to prepare by writing something down first before speaking if you are going to be speaking about emotionally difficult and challenging topics. Think about speaking from an “I position”. This means to speak about yourself and not the other person first. When one speaks from the “I position” they usually start with an “I statement”. An I statement can use this formula. “I feel ______ when you _____; therefore if you would ______ I would really appreciate it.” The “I position” protects the listener and yourself from getting hurt.
Rules for the listener: Don’t think, just listen. Try to listen so carefully that at the end of listening you can repeat back to the person what he/she said. And try it even. Repeat back by paraphrasing (not interpreting) what the speaker said. Now can you validate it? Try to find a way to communicate that you understand what the speaker has said.
This process of communicating is slow and careful. Be prepared to not get it perfect the first time, but rather to practice it in your life.
Communication is a two-way street.